Here are some of Alfred's Thoughts of the Moment

I'll mark my favs in blue and put the new ones at the top in bold, but you'd better fucking read all of them anyway.

I tried to come up with a fresh one, but to no avail. Maybe soon...

I beat my wife all the time. Her name is Penis.
Girls suck...but not as often as we'd like them to.
Green ants smell the roses dropped by the lost lovers.
Why did the chicken cross the rode? To learn to spell, because apparently I can't spell road correctly...fuck...
It's not that I don't like you anymore, I just never liked you to begin with.
Don't tell me that I am too controlling!!!
If it smells good, it must taste good.
It doesn't matter what others think of you. It matters what I think of you, and I hate you.
Person A: Why can't we all just get along? Person B: Because I'm better than you.
Sometimes I look into the sky and say, God? Why won't my car start today. Then a bird poops on my forehead.
Meanhwhile, back at the ranch, the green ranch dressing is killing all the crops. Assimilation is necessary to survive, so don't that cheese........cake. Go the distance. Go for speed.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
fish...sweedish fish...that's what...
ooooooooo yeahhhhhhhh....8-)
Ever get that warm feeling inside? Ya know, the feeling when you get shot in the heart, and you feel the warm bile and blood seep throughout your innards...I love that feeling.
They say when you look into the night sky, you're looking into the past. Then I steal your wallet.
I am sleeping. That means that I am dead for a little and then come back to life when my alarm clocks beats me upside the head with a mashed potato. O jeez...why now? Why this!? I hate it sooooo much... It's like corn, but without the corn. You know....birds....
If the grass is greener on the other side, does that mean it gives you a better high? One may never know...
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but your M-60 machine gun will rip the little fuckers in half before they can get away.
Just when you think you've got it, you realize you've had it all along...except it's herpes.
I wish I had a nickel every time.
Having your company is like if I ever find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I won't want it anymore because I can pay for friends much better than you.
One day, I was walking down the street, when it hit me.

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